As I have mentioned before, I have been hitting the wall lately. Today I was feeling on the verge of tears most of the day like all the excitement had gone from my life. And mind you, we did some exciting things — like visit an elephant sanctuary where we saw them paint (remarkably well, I might add). In the past 48 hours, all three of us girls have had a bit of a breakdown, but I did it in a much more dramatic fashion.

While at a Rotary meeting sitting next to the District Governor, the illness (headache, dizziness, nausea) that I had been feeling all day came to a peak. He asked me how I was enjoying the trip. In my state of deliriousness, I told him how much I enjoyed everything we have done but how exhausted and ill I was feeling at the moment (but in much greater detail as apparently the illness had gone straight to my head and turned off any filters).

All of a sudden, I started feeling extremely lightheaded again. Everything started to spin a bit. I gripped the table and tried to continue my conversation. It was not enough; I knew I was about to pass out. I excused myself and headed for the hall because it seemed like a better place to pass out than in a room full of strangers. (Roger told me later that my face was turning bright red during this time.) By the time I made it to the hall, I felt like I couldn’t breathe, but I kept thinking, “Don’t be the stupid farang, who has a breakdown during the meeting.” I couldn’t help it. I started hyperventilating then crying because I was so scared of how ill I felt and so embarrassed by it.

Roger, being a good team leader, immediately followed me out and tried to calm me. I was pretty much hysterical — crying and trying to gasp out that I couldn’t breathe. Our hosts brought some water and smelling salts as Peter, Roger, and Jamie tried to coax me back into normal breathing. Eventually, I started to regain my strength, and our host took Jamie and I home early.

I still have no idea what happened to me (though I think it was part physical and part mental), and I can’t quite decide if I was more scared or embarrassed (but I was definitely both). I felt like such a weak person and so humiliated. And now I add to my embarrassment by sharing it with you.

This entry was posted on Thursday, March 13th, 2008 at 3:17 am and is filed under travel. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.